Parenting with chronic illness

This is a sensitive subject amongst endo warriors, as I am aware how incredibly lucky I am to have been able to have my beautiful children. But, I feel it is important to talk about how parenting with a chronic illness can affect daily life.

My endometriosis and associated conditions (chronic fatigue, adrenal exhaustion and depression) mean that my children have a mother who tires easily, gets stressed easily and often has to go and rest. They have grown up so far to their tender age of three and a half being used to Mummy curling up with painkillers during the day, or needing to have a sleep on the weekend. They are accepting, incredibly kind and loving, and often send me their beloved favourite cuddlies to look after me when I need some TLC.

For me, I have learnt to take it in my stride and try to not get disappointed on all I may or may not be missing out on. Of course, any parent wants to be with their children as much as possible to enjoy the moments we have but I often have to accept that my quality time will be so much better if I do get the rest I need.

We have a fabulous pre-school that the girls go to and the owner is aware of my endo and 100% wonderful about it. On the days I can't drive to pick them up I often call and ask if we can extend the hours that day so my partner can pick them up on the way home and pretty much all of the time I am able to do so. We are incredibly lucky in that respect.

The tough times for all of us come with flash points like getting out of the house when I am feeling below par  - wilful toddlers can make things extremely trying and if I am fatigued and/or in pain, the very act of trying to get everyone dressed and out can leave me shattered, in tears and at the end of my tether. Similarly, if my two are tired and fractious and playing up when I am with them it can make my pain an awful lot worse which results in a stress cycle - more pain, more stress, more pain. If I have to carry them upstairs or to the naughty step for discipline when I am in pain it can be so hard to do without being in agony, but I need to make sure my Achilles heel isn't exposed -  the kids know when I am tired and when I am more likely to be lenient. Clever little monkeys.

Eva and Mia often play out my illness, as toddlers do. They will play doctors, and usually one od them will have a sore tummy "just like mummy" and Eva calls my endo "the sore tummy that's like Mary Poppins" -  meaning endometriosis is hard to pronounce like SuperCalafragalisitcexpialidocious.  Eva also pretends to be mummy " I am mummy, I am tired with a sore tummy and I am on the sofa blogging". Oh. Thats me down pat then. :)

Parenting with a chronic illness of course is not just about me but my partner. Miles has got an amazingly understanding boss who has let him work from home or be flexible with time when we have needed hospital appointments or I can't get the girls to nursery. For Miles, he often has to come home and take over for me if I have been with the girls so I can recover a bit, which straight after a long drive and day at the office is tough.

On the upside, my little ones will have empathy for people who are unwell. They will grow up knowing that people are not all the same and that not everyone is well all the time. I hope against all hope that they don't have this beast but if they do, they will be more equipped to cope from seeing it close up.

I can only do my best. I love them with all my heart and would be with the girls so much more but know I need the time at nursery to be able to do that as best I can. The longest day I have with them usually results in needing an hour in bed straight after I take them in.

On the occasions they are unwell and I have them all day I am often so exhausted I have to go to bed or make a bed in the lounge with them and hope we can all get some rest.

Parenting is tough anyway, but a chronic illness means I am so much more tired and sore than the next Mum. However, we all have something in life to deal with, and this happens to be one of mine.

I am blessed with the most amazing children and I treasure every moment with them. By the time my menopause comes and this pain ends I will be ready to throw in some Mum dancing to embarrass them and I can't wait.

Check out Project Endo, daily digital support for endo warriors.This post also appeared on Project Endo.