Yesterday I had my second Zoladex injection.
I finally took the plunge last month after 15 years of trying to avoid it; previously, I had been concerned about preserving my fertility. In some cases there is a risk of not coming back out of the menopause when you finish the 6 month course of injections. Also, the side effects of combined Zoladex and the HRT add-back hormone (I am on Livial) read like a who's who of No Thank-You's.
Zoladex is injected every 28 days as a slow-release capsule sub-cutaneously into my abdomen, and is alternated to different sides each month. I have a lovely, lovely nurse who sprays on local anaesthetic and makes sure I am totally "cooked" before getting a nice chunk of belly fat and plunging a needle into it, depositing the capsule as she goes. This all sounds horrific, and I was quite terrified the first time I went to be honest, but it really isn't that bad. It feels odd, but no worse at all than giving blood. Certainly no-where near the discomfort of a smear test. WAY easier than giving birth or doing a half marathon ( my benchmarks for stuff-I-have-done). I then take also a daily tablet of Livial 2.5mg to counter-act the signs of menopause as my ovaries are suspended from use by the Zoladex.
So how did the first month go? To be honest, it was hideous. Really hideous. Not emotionally, as I had expected ( I really thought the HRT would send me into Hormonal Woman Hell), but physically and mentally. The pain got worse about 2 days after the first jab, and I was so so tired. My ovaries felt like they were being fried, probably not far from the truth, and I spent most of the 3 weeks functioning way below parr. The knock-on effect of that is isolation, being at home for large periods of time on my own in pain lef to depression, frustration, the usual stuff.
HOWEVER.....
....this week I really felt like we turned a corner (we = my ovaries and I).
I actually had 2 or 3 days with vastly reduced pain (YAY!) and more energy (YAAAAAAY!). So maybe it's starting to work? On one of these days I was getting so excited, imagining a life with less pain. It really has been years and years since I have felt consistently well and have operated without daily pain so it is a concept I am totally excited by. I feel I can almost tangibly touch a life with less pain; it is an amazing possibility.
In terms of side-effects I have definitely put on weight. Much of it feels like water-retention bloat, not dissimilar to starting on the contraceptive pill in many ways; I feel like a sausage about to burst out of my skin and it's not attractive, but hey. It's a pay off. I should also counter that by saying as I have been less active from the pain I have run less, and I have also been baking as some home comfort, so cakes + HRT + less activity = weight. But, I am out running when I can and I now this weight will shift. I am focussing on the bigger picture now.
So I have weight gain and I feel bloated;I have tender boobs from the HRT, some acne breakouts and random breakthrough bleeds in the first month as other side effects. But, aside from the initial pain nothing is horrendous. I haven't had hot flushes yet, so maybe the Livial is doing it's work, and hopefully I can enjoy some life with less pain. Well, just enjoy life.
The second injection was yesterday, and I felt very sore in the afternoon. I would imagine pain will increase again for a couple of days. Around 2 hours after it was put in place I felt a chemical feeling I recalled from the first time; a low level, slightly acidic, flush around my whole system. Not unpleasant - but you know there are drugs in place.
Essentially I am being castrated, and I feel some sadness to my ovaries.
I keep using Reiki on them and sending them love; I find it hard to imagine purposefully making par tof me not work as it should. But, as Papa Diva reminds me, they havent been working as they should for a long time.
If this makes my endo symptoms go, the next step would be a total hysterectomy, ovaries 'n' all ( bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy for those in the know), and who knows, I might get BETTER.
Oh dear. I feel for Papa Diva if I get my full zest for life back. I will be unstoppable :)
So, if any Endo Sisters out there are considering Zoladez, give it a try. Take the plunge, knowing that things could get worse for a while. Maybe this month will bring new side effects but for now, I am glad I tried it.
DD
x
image via DexDiva's instagram
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