A run speaks for so much - Team Bangs 2 and why

I first discovered running when I was 18.

My mate Ben would come and throw stones at my bedroom window at 6.30am to wake me up, fag in hand, an image my mum still holds dear. We would jog around a local park, splutter and cough our way back, but I discovered for the first time how beautiful it is in the morning before the world awakes. I learnt that there is a time zone that exists only for those who rise with the birds and that I rather liked it. That, and the undiscovered muscles I remember talking about in the common room, which we thought sounded like a good band name.

You see, I had always been an arty girl. I played the violin, adored spending all my time in the art room and took Latin to avoid doing games. I hated sport, I felt uncomfortable having boobs at a young age, and I loathed the sweaty changing rooms and red-faced gym teachers with masculine legs barking at me.

It was a world I didn't fit into. I was happiest playing in orchestras, painting, sculpting, anything but hockey on a frozen field. It always felt, although I am sure no-one ever said it, that you could either be arty or sporty in school, and I knew which camp I was in. The warm, dry, creative one.

I began to run during my A-Levels as stress release. I had studied for my GCSE's and worked really hard to get straight A's, but  felt cooped in, unfit ,unbalanced.

I ran at 18 to give myself some space, some time away from the books and to clear the cobwebs.

Although I didn't dabble again until my 20's (London life and a great pub opposite the Toni & Guy HQ didn't help) and again I found I liked it. I struggled with breathing and would want to stop and have a fag halfway through (alarmingly, I still smoked until I was 28) but I found running a release.

Eventually I gave myself an aim, to run the Nike London 10k in 2005. I gave up smoking, rediscovered my lungs and spent a lot of time in Vicky Park, my beloved E9 home. In October 2005 I achieved what the arty girl thought she ever could - I had done a 10k.

Now, I so wanted to keep it going, dear readers, but as you may remember I had a nervous breakdown in 2005. Oops.  A few things went awry in life. I left London, moved back stickside and went self-employed, battling to recover from very fragile mental health, a poorly endo body and exhaustion.

I have tried, over the years to get back to running and here I am. This is my new goal.

I am running the Boutique sports run 10k in 3 weeks time as a prep warm up for my ultimate goal this year, a half marathon as part of Team Bangs on the Run.

The Team Bangs girls keep me going. Bangs herself is an incredible inspiration.

We are all coming at this thing with a different story, a different reason to be here.

Those of you who know me and read the Dexterous Diva will know that endometriosis is massive in my life. The very presence of my condition means I rarely know if I will be able to attend anything I have in my calendar in case I am throwing up with pain. So, for me it's the journey. As I said in a recent post , even if I walk the damned thing I will be there. Smiling.Or in a cab :)

So, follow our journey. We are #teambangsontherun2 on Twitter, and we have a Just Giving page here which we would love you to donate your beer money to, fo women everywhere whom Refuge helps

We stand for women who want to change things, make a difference. We are from all walks of life, from all parts of the UK. We are not athletes, we are a team of 14 ladies on a mission.

My mission is to overcome endo. To get fit and take control. To show my endo sisters it can be done.

I am also coming at it as a mum, I have 2-year-old twins and want to regain some fitness and energy whilst showing my girls that exercise is good for you. I am overcoming my breakdown, my postnatal depression, my destroyed self-esteem and confidence when my world collapsed 6 years ago to celebrate my life as it is now.

It's amazing how much a training programme can stand for.

So, this one is for you, Ben and your 6.30am fag-in-hand calls. For my partner and beautiful girls who believe in me. For my endo sisters who suffer in silence all around the globe. For mums who have lost their sense of self and feel lost in domestic drudge. For women who have the scars of PND and who are still here sane and fighting it. For the arty people who didn't fit in with the gym crowd. For anyone who has struggled with their weight. For Bangs, who inspires me every single day, and for my Team Bangs Girls who help me get my trainers on when I can't face it.

Let's go ladies. Am off to get my trainers on.

DD

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