Life, but not as you know it.

This little post is to share with you all how saddening, maddening, frustrating, painful and tiring it is living with endometriosis and it's associated entourage of symptoms.

Every few weeks the pain gets so much that my body hits a wall of exhaustion and chronic fatigue sets it. I don't just mean tiredness like you have after a big night out, or even the wall of foggy sleep deprivation I felt when the twins were still night feeding.  No, this is a tiredness that makes my very bones ache. My glands come up, I feel sick with tiredness, my pain reaches a whole new level of attacking every nerve, sinew and muscle. My head aches, my whole body feels battered. Shattered. Broken.

I can barely move. I hurt to walk around, even lying down hurts.I get ulcers, my system shuts down to cope, and I become just a weak shadow of me.

I am 34. I feel 80.

This happens regularly, and it last for a few days up to a week. In between this time I have a manageable level of daily pain, often enough to warrant pain relief, but the exhaustion associated with this phase is unbearable.

I am active. I love to run and to cycle and to be out there. I have barely left the house all week.

I have my darling children. I have had to get extra nursery hours to help this week as I am in so much pain.

I cannot tell you how much I want this to stop.

Pain relief aids the aches and white hot hell but brings with it a new raft of ailments as side effects. There is a vicious cycle of  sickness.

For all the blessings in my life, living in a sick body with endo is utterly hell.